Contrary to popular belief, as far as I’m concerned, “they” don’t call it Salvation Army because of the altruistic, save-the-world purpose that it was intended to be. They call it Salvation Army because of me! This…army of benevolent humans exists for the sole purpose of staging exciting treasure hunts, planting great finds, from books to fashion to pottery to surprise of the day unexpected discoveries, just so I can feed my thrill of the hunt and walk out feeling like I’ve bagged another magic elephant. This place is a budget-conscious, savvy shopper’s kryptonite, a bohemian’s paradise, a bargain hunter’s jungle of delight, an oasis for the lost wonderer who went out for a carton of milk and came back with a book on metaphysics and a chipped mug that may or may not be made in Japan. But, who cares!? It was only a buck!

Some people go to church on Sunday. I pursue my own, custom-made salvation with ritualistic fervor. In this place of worship I can wonder freely through the aisles with a shopping cart and an open mind. That moment of recognition and heart racing excitement when I discover a thing of value, is unmatched by all the off-key hallelujahs I could be intoning. Not to mention the fact that I find being called a sinner with every sentence meant to inspire me to change for the better, very off-putting.

And so, I chose my temple.

It takes patience and practice to fine-tune this talent, to pinpoint at a glance the prize from the…er…junk. Persevering is a skill and an art. I’m willing to give pro bono tips to all interested novices because I can’t keep this treasure map all to myself. Much like the meaning behind the name, I like to promote the cause of this…army of salvation for renegade souls like myself.