You’ll notice I didn’t say “lazy person’s breakfast”. I chose to indulge men on this one. And it’s with good reason. Does one have any idea what women need to do in the morning just before they start the day?! Well, if you’re a woman you know this, but, it bears repeating for a sobering dose of reality. I want to take a nap just thinking about it!

It all starts with the dreaded alarm, peeling our face off the pillow, or, sticking our entire head under the pillow, buying time while the agonizing tick-tock count down to reality keeps marching on, flicking the cat, significant other, book, the midnight snack, i.e. chocolate bar(s) wrapping, empty bucket of ice cream, Oprah magazine, iPad, etc. off to the side so we can slide unceremoniously down the edge of the bed, looking like Medusa with pms….adjusting the pajamas that rolled around our waist and bunched in inconvenient places, and eventually, eventually making our way to the bathroom.

The brain, still in basic stand-by mode, starts to compute simple commands like: “brush teeth”, “wash face”, “don’t scream! That’s just you in the mirror”.

Now the real work starts to crank into gear. The shower! One needs a degree just to figure out the countless hair products like shampoos, conditioners, primers, varnishes, straightening agents, boucy curl ointments, their application phases, and modus operandi. Then we have to contend with shower gels, exfoliants, loofahs, moisturizers and such. And just when we think you have it almost figured out, something else comes on the market that’s meant to be better than all the other products combined and we buy it because we are total incorrigible suckers!

If we manage to come out of the shower an hour or so later, we have accomplished about 10% of the morning ritual so far. By noon, with any luck, we may be ready to get out of the house.

We glance at the clock, have a panic atack, take a Prozac, recite an affirmation like “You are strong! You can do this! You can dress yourself!” and we proceed with the following step: blowdrying our locks. This process is unpredictable. It could take fifteen minutes or it could take two hours. It’s a tricky undertaking that in some cases involves drastic measures like rollers and other devices. These are the modern woman’s weapons of choice. A whole chapter is required to outline the how to-s, pros and cons, and how not to put our life in danger by using them. In the interest of time, I plan to shave my head.

Moving on!

Starting to feel rather heroic and optimistic by the time we have our undergarments on, but there’s one more big hurdle to cross.

WHAT to wear?!???

This dilemma is enough to send the most competent among us running for the hills, in our underwear,obviously, because we haven’t figured out what to wear!

Maybe that’s why we all need personal therapists, masseurs, and daily meditation sessions. To manage the stress from this most perverse of conundrum: what to wear? It works in tandem with our insecurities and body image to suck the life out of the party. If only we lived in an advanced society where potato sacks were a mandated uniform for everyone. Now that’s an egalitarian’s utopic dream! But, I digress…

I’m still in my underwear staring at the closet full of clothes after all….and I don’t have any pointers, suggestions or five step program to recommend. The basic formula involves putting on pretty much everything we own, taking it off, throwing it across the room, digging through the pile to find something tossed at the bottom a while ago…and starting the rotation all over again until, defeated, we settle for what we consider acceptable or decent by fashion police standards.

And now at last, we can take on the day with the remaining energy, which is none.

Why did I call this post “The lazy man’s breakfast”? Because they don’t contend with any of the above and they’d be out of the house by now without worrying about whether their socks’ pantone colour matches the thread that was used to sew their shoes.

And also because I have one simple step figured out for us! Making a healthy, nutritious, energizing breakfast ahead of time! Like way ahead, the day before, so by the time we wake up we are ready to …go back to bed?

The magic bullet solution:

Forget all the hair and makeup devices! Beauty stems from within! If this adage does not satisfy, just use a body double, big sunglasses and a floppy hat. In extreme cases, a fake moustache may work wonders for your face! But, I digress, once again….

If a household does not possess a small blender with a detachable, take-it-to-go container, then, one must be purchased at once!

The evening before, place a variation of the following ingredients into the blender:

–         ¾ cups low fat plain yogurt. Greek is preferred because it’s high in protein

–         ½ cup frozen blueberries

–         ½ cup frozen raspberries or…any other frozen fruit

–         2 tablespoons of chia seeds

–         2 tablespoons of ground flaxseed

–         1 scoop favourite protein powder (especially applicable to vegetarians)

No matter what the day brings, the uber-healthy, energy-packed nutritious breakfast of the century has been had. Now that’s a real enhancement to your day! Just don’t forget the hat and the fake moustache as you dash out the door.